


Goodbye

by louis_is_my_sunshine



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, M/M, Multi, Sad!Louis, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, self!harm, there are 3 endings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-21
Updated: 2013-05-31
Packaged: 2017-12-12 11:50:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/811287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/louis_is_my_sunshine/pseuds/louis_is_my_sunshine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The toilet stares up at me. My only friend. You may be thinking but what of the 1d boys, surely they are my best mates. Ha! If you told me a year ago, that I no longer call them friends I would’ve said you’re mad, we’re brothers. But this isn’t a year ago. And we’re not friends. My name is Louis Tomlinson, and this is the story of One Direction, the last story I’ll ever tell.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Standing on the ledge

**Author's Note:**

> First story on AO3, there are 3 endings. 2 of these end up sad. Unfortunately I won't tell you which is which.

The toilet stares up at me. My only friend. You may be thinking but what of the 1d boys, surely they are my best mates. Ha! If you told me a year ago, that I no longer call them friends I would’ve said you’re mad, we’re brothers. But this isn’t a year ago. And we’re not friends. My name is Louis Tomlinson, and this is the story of One Direction, the last story I’ll ever tell. 

 

Louis looked down into the toilet. The remains of his food there. He had been gone from the meeting for about 5 minutes now. He stood up, flushing the toilet and washing his hands. “Louis, the managers need you now,”somebody from the rp team tells him. He nods and keeps walking. 

“Louis! Are you feeling okay?” Simon asks, worried for the eldest. He was becoming more withdrawn, it seemed like he was finally listening to Liam and growing up and that defiantly was not a good sign. 

Louis nods.

“Sweetie are you okay?” A young woman asks. “Just tired,” Louis smiles up, the first time showing emotion. He smiles because she doesn’t need to know how shitty his thoughts are. 

“Well, if you’re not sleeping we can give you some sleeping pills, you need to be refreshed for the tour,” a man says. Louis smiles gratefully because he actually hasn’t been sleeping. He’s been staying up all night staring at the ceiling. 

“We just wanted to make sure you were okay, oh and your contract is about to end with Eleanor, make sure you make the best of it,” the woman says, she knows louis’ been spending more time with Eleanor. “Thank you,” Louis smiles and leaves.

“What did modest want?” Harry asks, not looking up from his phone, obviously texting Taylor. “N-nothing,” Louis whispered sadly. Harry nods. The ride home is awkward. “Boo I’m going out with Taylor,” Harry smiles. “Sure, have fun,” and it’s not like Harry’s been leaving him on most nights, and it’s not like he knows that Harry will leave. But he does, he does know Harry will leave. He’s not fit enough or tall enough and he can’t cook and he’s stupid and ugly. Louis opens the door to their empty flat. Quiet and cold just like his heart. He yearns for when Harry would come inside and they’d have a movie night and watch Peter Pan and have popcorn. It’s like he sees those memories happen, but he blinks and they’re gone.

His stomach grumbles, has he eaten today? Louis shakes his head and climbs into bed. Struggling to take his shoes off and just lie there forever. Tears stream down his face, he knows Harry is drinking with Taylor. Maybe even fucking. And then there’s the terrifying thought, that maybe, he wouldn’t like to be alive, because what’s the point? If Harry chose Taylor and the boys chose Harry who would fight for louis? Louis falls asleep, these thoughts heavy on his mind.

The next morning louis wakes up, Harry still not in the bed. He shuffles into the kitchen, rubbing his eye with one hand. What surprises him is Harry is sitting at the table. 

“Watcha doin haz?” Louis mumbles because it is 9 in the morning. “Don’t haz me.” Harry groans. Louis frowns, “what’s wrong?” Harry looks up. “We need to break up,” Louis freezes, then sighs. “I know, it’s okay, I know you would pick Taylor, you should, she’s a lovely girl,” Louis smiles but he really feels like shit. The love of his life is leaving him for another person. A girl. Harry blinks, “what no yelling? No anger?” Louis smiles, eyes going fond. “I know when you are in love and out. I’ve known for the past few months that you love Taylor. And it’s okay because you should be happy,” and this isn’t okay because louis feels like he’s about to cry. Harry sniffles, “Thank you, you are the best ex a guy could ask for,” he chuckles. “I’ll move my stuff out as soon as possible,” Louis smiles then walks back to his room, collapsing in silent tears and sobs, his world finally breaking apart. 

He comes out at noon, packing all of his stuff. He’s sure that Harry had already told the other boys. He doesn’t expect the other boys to text him and maybe ask him if he was okay, but his heart desperately wanted one of them to care. He texts his mum and she tells him that she’s sorry, maybe they’ll get back together, louis replies with that he doesn’t think so, this is the last time they’ll ever be boyfriends. And that’s very final and he’s crying again. He wipes them before Harry sees. He rents a hotel room and takes all of his stuff. With one last smile and he walks out of his flat. 

Louis’ life goes on. He smiles, sings with the boys, visits his family, drinks at the pubs. Before louis knows it, it’s his birthday. He’s been numb for so long that time flew. He wakes up in his cold hotel room. He gets tweets from the fans and his family. None from the boys. He doesn’t ask, even when he comes to the Christmas rehearsal, even management wishes him happy birthday.

Later that day he thanks everybody on twitter for wishing him happy birthday. It was pretty alright, he got presents from everybody. But the only thing he wished for was to be in the group again. Zayn, Liam, and Niall had sort of forgotten about him, and that wasn’t their fault, he knew they were busy and all had girlfriends. 

Its april when the fight with Tom happens. Tom bullies him online and tweets him “just leave,” so why doesn’t he. He’s only in everybody’s way. He swallows the sleeping pills. Typing out a quick tweet of “you win,” and throwing up a bit.


	2. On the ledge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ending 1

That’s how he came to be here. Slumped against my toilet. Pretty sad. The story of One Direction, the last story I’ll ever tell. 

I put the pen down. Eyes closing. I’m sure I took enough pills. Faintly I hear someone banging to come in, I recognise it to be Simon, I try and smile. It’s too late now though. 

“Louis,” Simons screams, tears flowing down his face. He notices a light in the toilet, heart hammering loudly he makes his way to the door, he pushes it open. “It’s too late,” Simons whispers. Louis lying on the floor, really pale, with a paper and pen in hand. Simon walks slowly to louis picking him up and putting him on his lap gently. He cradles him, and cries. He cried for the lost soul, he cried for the little boy who just wanted love, he cried for the son he just lost. He kissed louis’ forehead.

“I hope you’re in a better place, we all love you, don’t forget that,” Simons whispers, he gets up to call the ambulance, not that it matters but he just couldn’t stand looking at louis, no louis’ body anymore. 

“ONE DIRECTIONS LOUIS TOMLINSON COMMITS SUICIDE” was in the papers that morning. Everybody mourning the boy who had been taken too young. Everybody seemed to be sending their condolences to jay, who was heartbroken but understood because nobody understood louis like she did, he was her son, her boobear. Everybody except One Direction.

That morning when the 4 boys walk in, everybody is in tears. “Simon, why is everybody crying?” Harry asks. Simon turns around and slaps him. The sound echoing through the area. “Oi! What was the for!” Niall yells. Simon glares. “When did you guys drift apart? You should be ashamed of what you’ve done. Are you proud?” Simon spits. Liam frowns. “What are you talking about?” He asks. “As if you didn’t hear, you’re bandmate has committed, and you four don’t even care, you forgot his birthday and I never saw him go out with you, don’t act like you don’t know. You knew exactly what you were doing,” Simons yells, it’s a lot to get out and Simon walks away, nose up at the thought. 

The boys couldn’t believe it. Louis last tweet and they didn’t even see. They didn’t even remember the last time they saw louis. Wait, Zayn thinks, he was very skinny and small. We’re horrible people, he concludes knowing that he deserves all this misery because they did it. They ignored him and treated him like shit, Tom just pushed him over the edge. He was already standing on it.

Louis’ funeral comes, and there’s a worldwide ceremony and a small family one. The boys are allowed at neither. Everybody wears black. It’s sunny though, as if louis didn’t want them to be sad. He was the sunshine. 

Years later, when everybody has moved on, the boys still visit louis grave, they each bring him flowers and tell him how sorry they were. But sorry couldn’t bring louis back, and neither could wishing.


	3. On the ledge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ending 2

The drugs haven’t processed yet, and he can hear footsteps along the hotel room. “Louis!” He hears nick and Greg scream. The door opens and he’s being pushed into someone’s lap and the other guy is screaming into a phone and they’re both crying and begging him not to leave. He doesn’t, the ambulance comes and they hop on with him. The drugs are being pumped out of his system but he feels very sleepy. 

“Louis please be okay, the other boys were dicks don’t leave us,” nick whispers. Louis is sleeping in a hospital bed. It’s way past visiting hours but nick and Greg don’t care. Louis looks so small and fragile in the big white bed Greg thinks, and he gets upset because this isn’t the way it’s supposed to go. He’s supposed to live and be happy, and how could he do that if he dies. 

“We love you Lou, don’t forget that,” Greg adds. Not long after, louis wakes up, Greg and nick shedding happy tears. 

“I’m sorry I tried to leave,” Louis frowns. Greg pushes louis’ chin up to look him in the eyes. “Don’t be sorry just stay with us, okay?” Louis smiles slightly and nods. 

He moves out that month, he moves with Greg and nick, a person he thought he hated, and he couldn’t be happier. He moved on from 1d, even though the other boys tried and tried to meet with him, louis however, had no intention of meeting the people that almost made him kill himself. 

He smiled, life was finally turning out okay for him.


	4. On the ledge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ending 3

Louis ends up vomiting the drugs out but he ends up quitting one direction. Which comes as a shock to the fans. They didn’t want to loose their favourite person. 

“I’m sorry,” that was the last thing Simon, Paul and the boys heard from louis. 

This is the story of One Direction, the last story I’ll ever tell. It’s been a few years, everybody’s forgotten me, as it should be. I was never really needed. Those boys deserved it, after all the hard work they put in. I’ve stopped all my rent and the payments on my apartment because I’m ready. I’m ready to leave, it’s time for me to go. And I won’t deny myself of that any longer. 

The word got out a young lad commuted suicide. It was on the front page, and had Liam been more interested or turned the page he would have seen louis’ name written in big letters. But he wasn’t so he didn’t. 

A year later Harry was wondering. Where had louis gone? 

“Guys,” Harry asks. Liam makes a sound to show he’s listening. “Where is louis gone?” The question takes Liam by surprise. Zayn and Niall walk in.

”What’s gotten li shocked?” Zayn chuckles. Harry frowns. “Where’s louis,” he demands, face growing hot. Why did they all avoid the question. Harry huffs and brings his phone out. 

“Simon, where did louis go?” Harry asks. Simon sighs, he knows none of them knew what had happened to the young Doncaster lad. “His address is -” Simon replies heavily. They could find out themselves. 

“Right, let’s go?” Niall says softly, looking at Harry. The drive for 2 days, searching for louis’ house. They arrive, all 4 nervous. How would louis react? Harry rings the doorbell. An old woman answers, she had tattoos and a lip ring. 

“Hi! We’re looking for a Louis Tomlinson,” Niall smiles, but wondering why she had answered the door. 

“Oh that sweet young lad that used to live here?” She asks. Harry nodded, he bit his lip worriedly, why had she said used? “Erm- yeah where is he?” 

“I’m sorry to break it to you, but the lad had committed. He was so nice, or at least that’s what I heard, he gave all his money to charity’s, and created one himself. I heard he was in a band, but was feeling left out. I have a note that should be given to a Harry, Niall, Zayn and Liam?” She says. By the end of it all the boys had years shining in their eyes. He was gone. Liam thinks back to the time he read about that boy who committed, tears slip out. “C-could we have that note? We’re those boys. Harry Styles, Liam Payne, Niall Horan and Zayn Malik,” Harry stutters. He never should of let louis go and now it was too late. 

“Sure dear, here it is,” she hands him the note. They thank her and get in the car. 

“We don’t deserve any of this. We’re the worst human beings on the planet. We should be killed. How could we,” Harry cries. The other boys shrug, wondering how this all got messed up. They couldn’t change it now. They couldn’t have even if they wanted to.


	5. On the ledge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “O-oh my god, louis? LOUIS? Can you hear me?” Harry cries. Louis’ eyes open with the last bit of strength. His eyes focus for a split second and then they flutter shut. Harry has enough sense to grab his phone out and call an ambulance. After explaining their situation they hang up, telling him to stay calm. “I’m so sorry, this is all my fault. I did this to you. I broke you, it’s all my fault,” He lifts Louis’ limp body onto his lap and strokes his hand through his hair. “I never meant for anyone to get hurt,”

Harry sniffles in his bed. Taylor had just gone out to grab some food while he was sulking. He couldn’t get his mind off Louis. He never should of left him. Even he didn’t know why. Scared maybe, of what though. Media. He just wanted to make everybody happy and he was getting tired of Louis leaving him with the beard and Taylor was nice, she talked to him. But then there was Louis who took the beard for him. Who was cracking and no one knew except him. He just never did anything about it. He was 19 for gods sake. He didn’t know what he was getting into. He decided to go on twitter to see what was happening with the fans. His mentions froze and his page was stuck on a young girl tweeting him. 

@braveryandcourage: hi harry! my sis said i cud tweet, cuz im only 7. why is lou sad? :( i dun lik him sad. can u fix him?

What could this girl possibly be talking about, Louis? Sad? He’s a great actor, how could his mask slip? His page unfreezes and he refreshes it onto Louis’ page. 

@Louis_Tomlinson: @tomthewanted you win.

You win, what could that mean? All of a sudden his heart dropped. He couldn’t, he wouldn’t. 

“Harry I’m back,” Taylor sing-songs. Harry shakes his head, he needed to check up on Louis. “Babe I’m just going to go on an errand,” he calls. She makes a sound to show she heard and he jumps into action, running down down the stairs and practically flying into his car. He drives twice the speed limit and breaks almost every law in the state. 

Louis opens his eyes blearily. He’s lying on the floor and he’s really tired. He wonders what the other boys would say. His mother would be crushed but she’d understand. He was broken, so broken he had to end it. To see what else there was. Maybe to go on adventures with the doctor, go to neverland, meet alice or become a pirate. Louis thought he could hear the door slam, but that was probably the drugs making him hallucinate. 

“LOUIS?” harry screams, dread filling his entire being. He checked in the kitchen and living room and he couldn’t find anything. He then noticed his bedroom door wide open. Slowly he enters it. Clothes littered the floor and pictures of them had been smashed and on the ground. Sharpie had been scribbled on the floor. “I’ll never be good enough,” Harry dropped to his knees. Tears falling from his eyes. Louis said he had been fine, but then again, he was a brilliant actor. And he obviously fooled everybody. Harry crawled into the bathroom. His mouth dropping open. 

“O-oh my god, louis? LOUIS? Can you hear me?” Harry cries. Louis’ eyes open with the last bit of strength. His eyes focus for a split second and then they flutter shut. Harry has enough sense to grab his phone out and call an ambulance. After explaining their situation they hang up, telling him to stay calm. “I’m so sorry, this is all my fault. I did this to you. I broke you, it’s all my fault,” He lifts Louis’ limp body onto his lap and strokes his hand through his hair. “I never meant for anyone to get hurt,” The paramedics burst in and there’s yelling and screaming and harry doesn’t quite understand what’s going on but the paramedics leave and he’s just sitting on the floor shocked. It was his fault, so why should he go. 

Baby starts playing and harry knows Taylor is calling. He picks up and her shrill voice is heard. “Babe where are you?” “I’m going to the hospital, Lou’s there and I need to clear up some stuff with him,” He hears a groan from the other side. “What stupid stunt has he pulled now?” Harry gritted his teeth. “Nothing babe this is serious, I have to go now,” All he heard was Taylor squawking at something, not that he cared. He texted the boys saying that Louis was in the hospital and that it was serious. He then quickly got into his car for the second time and drove to the hospital. 

“Louis Tomlinson?” Harry was asking just about anyone who would listen to him. Eventually he was directed to the intensive care unit. Room 394. He took a deep breath. He walked in and there was Louis sitting with a nurse. The nurse smiled and left. 

“How are you,” Harry asks. “How do I look harold, I just tried to kill myself failed and was brought back to life by the person who made me do it. How do you think.” Louis says coldly. Harry looks down because yeah he kinda did deserve that. “I’m sorry-” Harry begins. “Save it, I don’t need your apologies. Go home, you shouldn’t be here,” Louis interrupts. Harry looks into Louis blue eyes. They were blank. Empty even. This time Harry knows that they’d never be together again. And he doesn’t blame Louis one bit. All he could do was try to live his life again. Walking outside he sits on a bench. He opens his phone and sees he has a message from Taylor. 

Come home, forget about Lewis, He’s a big boy, and I just heard, did he make it? If not more 4 me;)


End file.
